exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
