I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
