Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's never too late to be topless.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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