last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
