I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
