Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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