david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
