I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
