Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
