someone owes me an orgasm
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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