we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
tell me about the eggs
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