i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
