I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
