he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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