you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
