I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
