Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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