Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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