yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
