Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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