im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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