i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
