you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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