Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
