dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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