1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
