you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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