I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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