capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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