I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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