What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
