Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
