Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
