My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
