whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
