Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
