I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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