Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
