oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
