happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
