Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
