i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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