There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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