if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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