Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
