I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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