I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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