I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like a drive thru vagina
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
