help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
