you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
