Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
