The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
