if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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